Walk a Mile in My Shoes, My Sole Brother
This has been a busy week for myself and the family as we prepare for the graduation of our youngest from high school.
So this week, just a short contemplation that I am having to face myself.
There's an old saying: Walk a mile in my shoes.
And I think there's a lot of soul in that statement. Get it?
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Recently, I've had to recognize that many of my attempts to understand a situation have been through the lens of my own experience rather than through the lens of the person I'm trying to understand.
Most of us want our feelings validated.
We want our experiences acknowledged.
We want to be seen.
But sometimes the invitation is to step outside of our own experience and place our feet firmly in the shoes of another.
That can be hard work.
Especially when our inner resources feel low.
Especially when we are carrying hurts of our own.
So today I offer a simple contemplation:
What would it feel like if I got all of my personal thoughts, stories, and hurts out of the way and truly experienced—with deep empathy—the experience of another?
That's a challenging practice.
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And I've found that before I can truly put on another person's shoes, I often have to accept that those are the shoes they're wearing.
Not because I agree with them.
Not because I think they're right.
Not because my own needs don't matter.
Simply because that is where they are standing.
Acceptance doesn't mean approval.
It means seeing what is.
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When we spend all of our energy resisting reality, wishing someone would be different, feeling different, or acting different, we often have very little energy left for understanding.
But when we accept what is happening in this moment, something interesting occurs.
The energy we were using to resist becomes available for curiosity.
For compassion.
For empathy.
That's where understanding begins.
And I think that must be accompanied by resilience and conviction in our own true self.
One of the best ways I know to build those qualities is through the breath.
Nothing fancy. Try this...
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Simply sit and take twelve mindful breaths.
In and out.
After those twelve breaths, ask yourself:
What am I feeling?
And where am I feeling it?
Then, if you can, stay for another six to twelve rounds.
See if you can allow the breath to expand into the places where those feelings live.
Sometimes just recognizing how much discomfort shows up when we spend just a few minutes with ourselves can be insightful.
For me, contraction is often the default state when I'm under stress.
Everything gets smaller.
Tighter.
And somehow the challenges seem bigger.
It's easy to forget simple things.
Like breathing.
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Try this one too:
Stand in front of a mirror.
Take a slow, deep breath in.
Notice what your body does.
Notice how it expands into the true shape of your being.
The shape we sometimes forget.
The shape that can hold stress.
The shape that can convey empathy.
The shape that can get itself out of the way.
The shape that can open the heart and reconnect us to the soul.
Then go put on the shoes of the person you're trying to understand.
A friend.
A child.
A coworker.
A family member.
A loved one.
They deserve to be seen for what they're going through.
And finally, let's not forget that we deserve to be seen as well.
Sometimes the first pair of shoes we need to put on are our own.
Honor what arises when you put them on.
Honor your feelings.
Offer yourself a little grace.
A little slack.
You might even say:
Don't tie the shoes too tight.
But don't trip over the laces either.
Have a great week.
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Danny
The Emotional Driver
“Emotion Is the Note. You Are the Song.”
