I am Like You
“I am like you.
I am different from you.
I am nothing but you.”
This is one of my favorite sayings from the tradition of one of my teachers.
But before we come back to that statement, let’s take a little scenic route.
A long time ago I worked as a computer programmer. One day there was a project at the company where I worked to rewrite a large portion of our code. The goal was simple: remove statements that used negative logic.
What is negative logic?
It’s when the code says something like:
If this exists, don’t do that.
At the time it felt a little confusing. But the deeper idea made sense. If something does exist, why would we frame the instruction as don’t do something?
Why not simply say:
If this exists, do this.
Now let’s step out of the computer world and into real life.
My beautiful wife has been practicing yoga at an amazing studio for more than twenty years. Like many of us, she has favorite teachers, favorite classes, and favorite times. And sometimes you just take whatever class works in your schedule.
Recently she told me that the only class she could take this week was with a longtime friend and teacher — but she struggles in that class.
I asked why.
She said, “Because she teaches using negative logic.”
Aha! Now my programmer brain lit up.
She explained that when they’re in a pose, the teacher often says things like:
“Don’t lean here.”
“Don’t drop the shoulder.”
“Don’t push the knee like that.”
And my wife laughed and said something that made perfect sense:
“Whenever she tells me not to do something… that’s exactly what I end up doing.”
And I chuckled, because I knew exactly what she meant.
Now let’s step even further off the yoga mat and into family life.
Watching my daughters grow up, there are many things I don’t want them to do. Out of love and concern I sometimes find myself saying:
“Don’t do that.”
“You’ll get in trouble if you do that.”
“Don’t go down that path.”
But the more I reflect on it, the more I realize something interesting.
The mind often doesn’t hear the yes or no.
It hears the action.
The mind responds much more strongly to what is framed in the affirmative.
Which brings us to a simple truth:
What you bring your attention to grows.
Let me give you a funny example.
Imagine you’re afraid of snakes.
And I’m trying to help you overcome that fear.
So I say:
“Don’t think about snakes.”
“Don’t picture snakes.”
“Don’t imagine a snake creeping up.”
Well… what word have we now repeated over and over again?
Snake.
Snake.
Snake.
But what if instead we shifted the focus?
What if every time the thought of a snake appeared, we focused on something completely different.
Like an elephant.
Think about how big and strong an elephant is. How steady. How powerful.
Now we’ve removed the negative logic around the snake and replaced it with a positive focus.
And again:
What grows is what we focus on.
Now let’s come back to the statement I opened with.
“I am like you.
I am different from you.
I am nothing but you.”
Here’s where the rubber really meets the road.
Right now there seems to be an enormous focus on the differences between people — between groups, between beliefs, between identities.
And the more we focus on those differences, the more they grow.
Snake.
Snake.
Snake.
Soon the gap becomes so large it feels impossible to bridge.
But here’s something important.
The vast majority of us — the overwhelming majority — want the same basic things in life.
We want to feel safe.
We want to be nourished.
We want love.
We want support.
We want shelter.
We want a future for our children.
That’s where the first part of the statement lives:
I am like you.
Now the middle part becomes interesting.
I am different from you.
Because how each of us seeks those things may look very different.
Different beliefs.
Different traditions.
Different cultures.
Different ways of living.
But when we understand that someone is simply pursuing the same human needs through a different path, something beautiful happens.
Curiosity appears.
Conversation opens.
We can say:
“Oh… that’s how you arrive at the same place I’m trying to reach.”
And those larger differences begin to soften in the presence of deeper similarities.
Finally, the last part of the statement:
I am nothing but you.
Interpret that however you wish.
For me it simply means that at the deepest level — the heart, the essence, the soul — we are the same.
And that gives us reason to celebrate.
Celebrate our similarities.
Celebrate our differences.
Celebrate our shared humanity.
I know there are many difficult things happening in the world right now. I don’t downplay them. I don’t pretend that a few shifts in thinking will suddenly make the world perfectly peaceful.
But we can start somewhere.
We can start with ourselves.
We can find peace within.
Then bring that peace into our families.
Then into our communities.
And we can teach ourselves — and those around us — to look for similarities while respecting differences.
Because when we shift our focus even a little…
WHAT WE FOCUS ON GROWS! SNAKE!
So this week, notice where your attention goes.
Is it feeding the snakes?
Or is it feeding the elephants?
And before I close today, I want to share a song from my last album called “Where We Sleep.”
It’s probably the least favorite song I’ve written on the record, but sometimes the songs that are the most honest feel that way to the writer. The truth is, this song touches directly on what we talked about today.
No matter our beliefs, our differences, or the paths we take through life, we are all human beings simply trying to find a place where we feel safe… where we feel seen… where we can finally rest.
In the end, we all sleep under the same sky.
I hope you’ll take a moment to listen.
And as always, thank you for opening your inbox to me. I welcome your thoughts, your conversations, and your reflections.
May grace be with us all.
ROAR with love,
Danny
The Emotional Driver
“Emotion Is the Note. You Are the Song.”
